Doodle

Remember when I thought I loved you? I really did love you, you took a lot from me. I told myself love didn’t exist and then I met you. I loved you and you tore me apart. You were the worst thing that ever happened to me and now you don’t even talk to me. I want to hate you but some day I’ll fall in love again and that person will treat me good. I would have given you the world, I was ready to give you my everything. I was going to give myself to you and you came and stomped all over me. I acted like everything was okay but I knew you’d only used me, or maybe at some point you did love me. You told me you did. Why did you never fight for me? Was it because I didn’t fight for you? I was scared but I told you I would and you kissed me and I just thought maybe but no. I forget about you sometimes, actually now you’re not really on my mind at all now and I’m glad because it makes me think that maybe I never really loved you. I don’t want you to be my first love you never deserved that title.

Munchkin!

My little niece is the light of my life.

I know I’ve stayed away from drugs for the past eight or nine months but I just really want to get high again. I’ve been going through so much lately that I think I deserve just this one good moment when I just forget about everything and smoke some really good weed. I don’t want to hear the judgement from my friends talking about how drugs are bad for me. I’ve done drugs before I know what they do but I just want to do it one more time and maybe more in the future, it’s not like I’ll start doing it daily or even monthly just when I really need it. 

I’m always busy. Whenever anyone needs me I have one answer ‘Sorry I’m busy’. Death really makes you think, it makes you realize how short life can be. Just because you’re expected to live past 70 doesn’t mean you will. Once someone is gone they’re gone forever. I was suppose to see my little cousin but I was too busy, always busy. I didn’t have time. I never have time. Now he’s dead. Once again I was busy today but instead of going to that clinic I decided to visit the Ezekyal because when he was alive I never saw him and now I’m saying goodbye. I never got to say hello. I didn’t think he was going to die, he was just one month. I thought I had all the time in the world to go see him. Life comes at you fast, in the blink of an eye everything can change. I wish I had time to catch up to life but I’m always so fucking busy.

What do you say to a person who just lost their baby? What do you say to someone who lost their sunshine, the reason for them to stay strong? What can you say? I don’t know how she feels, I’ve never had a child of my own. I know it must be a terrible feeling. The worst part is watching her remember slowly. She lost her memory in the crash, she didn’t even realize her son was dead. Things are suppose to happen for a reason so someone tell me what reason is behind this tragedy? Why would God take a baby that had only been here for one month? She was so happy with him, he turned her life around. She was planning a party to show her baby to her family and friends and now she’s planning a funeral. It’s not fair. The father is blaming her and the cops are investigating the ‘case’, there should be no case! She was a young mother scared and rushing her child to the hospital. She panicked and wasn’t thinking straight, she didn’t know that car was going to hit them. It’s just not fair.

NO BIG DEAL!!!!! 

Part 2

Okay so I saw my very first Broadway show today, well I saw the first one in New York! I loved it the entire cast was just fantastic and my mom enjoyed herself so much. It was all very emotional and my mom just looked at me with these big watery eyes and told me she couldn’t wait to see me on that stage and it made me ball like a baby because she knows how much I want this. My mom wanted to wait outside for Darren to come out but since we were so close to the front, when we came out the crowd to meet them was pretty big. I loved that my mom wanted to stay but I was too cold so we went back to the hotel instead. After that we decided to go back to Time Square and just walk around and enjoy ourselves since it was our last day. My mom got the crazy idea of going back and waiting out there so we could meet them. I followed her back and to my surprise it worked! I met Darren Criss! I feel ecstatic and to make things even better I met Chris Hankes! To be honest I feel a bit bad that I was more excited when Chris Hankes came out but I loved meeting both of them and omg I can not believed it happened!

Oh god my mom keeps whispering to me how attractive she finds Darren while I sit here crying because omg I am so close to the stage and I don’t care if a panda bear is playing the lead! I AM IN A BROADWAY SHOW!